A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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