he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
