i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
