ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
