Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
