just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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