Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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