Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
