The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize