Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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