But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
