The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
