it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
