I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
