You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
