You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
