I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
