i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
