My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
