dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
