Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
