made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
