Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
