last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
