I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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