A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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