just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize