butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
