I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
