please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
