Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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