Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
