ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize