just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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