I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
