whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
