I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
