the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
