Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
