Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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