dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
