I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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