just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
