a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
