maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
