As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
