I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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