Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
