I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
