If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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