remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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