new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
