Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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