dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize