I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
