It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
