fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
