I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
