smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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