the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
