it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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