i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
