small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
